much needed.

No one really reads my blogs but this is not for the pleasure of other eyes, its to help me get it out. First of all, karma is a true thing and it is affecting me in the biggest way I know how, through my heart. I was not always a good girl but when it came to relationships I tried. Yes everyone makes mistakes but I see mine are too big to solve with just a sorry. I've taken other peoples love and heart and treat it like I didn't care or actually didn't. I can't blame anyone but myself for this karma effect. It has shown that love may never fully exist due to my stupid decisions for myself. The second male I'm truely in love with, doesn't feel the same and isn't with me only in a physical and emotional aspect. And it makes me treasure the time I was able to actually spend with my first true love.1-22-08 will forever be a day embedded in my heart and mind. I need to better myself and stop looking for a man to validate all the beautiful things about me. I am a beautiful person, physically and otherwise, I need to remember that. My confidence and self esteem should never base itself on the way someone else thinks about me. I have decided the one thing I want for my birthday, and it's for 3 out of the 4 people that I truly love in my life to meet so that I can tell them my feelings, thoughts and show my appreciation.. This is so hard.

Hollllerrrrrrrr.
it turned out dark though, ;[.

speechless.

Now, I was one that actually was like blah to this whole Chris Brown & Rihanna thing, but after seeing this, SMFH. I would have never thought the damage to her would be that bad and she wants to get back with him ? Oh hell no, she may have sparked a fight but nothing could provoke a " grown man " to do something like this to a female. I hope things work out for the best, and that something like this doesn't happen to any of my or other people's loved ones. As for Chris, i'm absolutely disgusted. He's just as wack, boring and now horrible in my mind as he was before. Damn , this is just crazy.

be a good mistress and

Shut the fuck up !
Yes, she's the wife and you're just "my girl".
She gave the kitten you love to play with and of course I lied about it.
I wear the ring from her on my left hand, ring finger.
That's the queen of my throne, but you're beautiful too, yea.
Yea, I love you and care for you, and of course I'd do anything for you.
Except leave her or tell her, that you're in my bed almost every night and you hold me when things are feeling right.
I don't wanna be stressed by this or even have to worry about hearing this shit, so please I ask,
Be a good mistress and, shut the fuck up.

1228, never.

I wish my tears could speak.
They would say all the things I couldn't.
Like
I love you,
Why'd you leave me
How's your family
Can we be friends again
I'll never forget you
Was I meant to hurt like this
Will I ever love someone else.
If they could speak, maybe you'd love me again.
Maybe you'd know how I truly felt.
Or just maybe we'd still be nothing more to each other than a human being we used to know.

I always hated this day because its something special you share with someone else. I celebrated one year, that I could never have back. It hurts to know that the only person you loved so deeply, couldn't accept you as you are.

music, maybe.

On the real, Charles Hamilton - Lacey DuValle and Asher Roth - Cartoon Chick, have been keeping me amused for the past few days. They are some characters, truly. So I wonder, am i the only female who knows just about all the words to this nasty ass Trina song ? LOOK BACK AT ME, nigga waaat. On to this VDAY malarky, I will be having a nice ass oil bath thanks to myself. Yes, i can't stick to one subject and i don't think i ever could. Maybach Music, Rick Ross is an officer and he ain't shit. 50 so piped his baby-mother and that is also funny shit. I have nothing important to say cause i don't feel a need to fake intelligence. So i'm gonna type mad irrelevant shit cause i cannn ! One last thing, SMH @ this Chris Brown and Rihanna shit. Two obvious hot tempered people together will eventually become a fight and it's obvious who won this one. I'm not going to feel sad for her, cause I have no doubt they are both to blame for that. Now on to my song, which i will gurantee break your waistline to.

late night, should be sleep.

I've always taken pride in the little things i love about myself. My eyes are and always were one of those little things. They can stare through you or lure you in. Not any light blues or green hues but a beautiful, simple brown that shines. Almond shaped and big in my opinion, they may not be the perfect eyes to you, but shittttt they make me happy.

srsly now.

Ok, I'm guessing its some nigga I def don't know doing this and read this. Its creepy, and you're actually going to my moms job saying I'm 22, eveeeeeeryone knows I'm 18. And my name is hm, nicki or some next shit. Once again, everyone knowwws my name.

thank you Miss Janet.

This is exactly how i feel right now.

Janet Jackson - Everytime

I'm afraid I'm starting to feel
What I said I would not do
The last time really hurt me

I'm scared to fall in love
Afraid to love so fast
'Cause everytime I fall in love
It seems to never last
But every time your love is near
And every time I'm filled with fear
'Cause everytime I see your face
My heart does begin to race every time

One half want me to go
Other half wants me to stay
I just get so all confused
I'm scared to fall in love
Afraid to love so fast
'Cause every time I fall in love
It seems to never last
But every time your love is near
And every time I'm filled with fear
'Cause every time
My heart does begin to race every time
I'm scared to fall in love
Afraid to love so fast
'Cause every time I fall in love
It seems to never last
Every time your love is near
And every time I'm filled with fear
'Cause every time I see your face
My heart does begin to race every time
Every time your love is near
And every time I'm filled with fear
'Cause every time I see your face
Could it be that this will be the one that lasts
The fear does start to erase every time
Oh could it be that this will be the one that lasts
For all my times
For all my times

can't be that good sober.

Sometimes I wish I could dedicate this boyz II men song to someone, but I never could. I just wanna horribly sing those few lines, " alll my lifeee, I pray for someone like you". I won't put my life on a stand still waiting for him to realize, he's not the only catch in this cause I don't know many females that will clean, feed, fuck you senseless and still be cute at the end of the day.
Sidenote : I need a fucking day job, shit.

classically.

this is from like 07, what used to happen at lunch time.

yes that is me, and yes that is my hair.

freeeeeeesh.